I Need Car Puns NOW

"Jay Lauer" (thefaultinourcars)
08/19/2014 at 23:37 • Filed to: None

Don't ask why, I just need lots of car puns. Whatever you've got lay it on me.

Have some of my dad's plasti-dipped SVO and a Porsche 944 I'm selling for your time.

DISCUSSION (36)

Rainbow > Jay Lauer
08/19/2014 at 23:40

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc…

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfa…

Both by yours truly.

PatBateman > Jay Lauer
08/19/2014 at 23:40

PSH. You want car puns? Blow it out your tailpipe.

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > Jay Lauer
08/19/2014 at 23:41

Why does a Ferrari owner keep marshmallows in his glovebox?

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Jay Lauer
08/19/2014 at 23:41

You're selling a 944?? What??

BoulderZ > Jay Lauer
08/19/2014 at 23:41

I'm tired of coming up with these. It's like re-inventing the wheel. Though, puns are a real gas. Do too many of these and you're exhausted. There are manifold possibilities for the jokes, though. Some are just re-treads.

JGrabowMSt > Jay Lauer
08/19/2014 at 23:43

Why's a chicken coop only have two doors?

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Rainbow
08/19/2014 at 23:43

Did you know that when it goes around a corner, a Mercedes Bends?

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > BoulderZ
08/19/2014 at 23:44

Ive been meaning to ask you. Have you been into the performance bike shop in boulder lately?

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > Jay Lauer
08/19/2014 at 23:47

I once fell in love with a 50 something. She was a real cougar. Mercury used to make some damn good cars.

Honda has so much sway in the world they have entire legions of people clamoring for a degree just for their cars - civic engineering.

If you're trying to cross a river or stream, the F-150 is a good truck to try and Ford it with. But if you're smart, you can just hop in a Ram and dodge it.

I was at a Ford dealer the other day, looking at a new car. They had a very sharp looking hatchback that was very easy to Focus on. But their smaller hatchback seemed like a real Fiesta. But their midsize sedan had a real Fusion to its styling that I liked. I was chatting up a salesman and when I told him I needed something bigger, he brought me to a far corner of the lot and told me all about someone who was a Taurus. I'm not sure what that had to do with cars so I looked for my Escape via a small crossover. I found myself liking the seating but I still wanted some more room. I made a mistake by bringing this info to a new salesperson as they now had an Edge on me.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Jay Lauer
08/19/2014 at 23:48

A group of Japanese businessmen have come up with a car, and are eager to show it at the upcoming Tokyo motorshow. Trouble is, the show is in the next day, and they still have no name for the car. The summon a wise, ancient man to come down and help them think of a powerful, meaningful, creative name for this wonderful little car. "Can you help us?" they ask. "We need a name for our car, and we need it by tomorrow!"

The wise man looks at them and says, "Dat sun?"

scoob > Denver Is Stuck In The 90s
08/19/2014 at 23:49

http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/mkdn.gif

BoulderZ > Denver Is Stuck In The 90s
08/19/2014 at 23:49

I was turned wrenches there from '96 to '98, and then was service manager '98 to '00, before heading off down the geology career path. The guy who was the manager then still holds title for Best Manager I Ever Had. Unfortunately, he's not there anymore. I'm hearing a lot of mixed reviews now. I've been going to Boulder CycleSport when I need a local shop, but they are expensive. I've really not been impressed with our local shop scene, unfortunately. I can order online and repair/build anything, so it's no big deal for me, but I think it really is a downer for a lot of local cyclists, especially those just starting out.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Jay Lauer
08/19/2014 at 23:50

Ooops, replied to the wrong person.

Did you know that when it goes around a corner, a Mercedes Bends?

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > scoob
08/19/2014 at 23:50

oh come on, thats gold

PatBateman > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
08/19/2014 at 23:51

ENCORE!!

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > BoulderZ
08/19/2014 at 23:52

My brother is a salesman there, he just transferred from the glendale store. He's apparantly the best salesman they ever had there. He sold $90,000 worth of merchandise in his first 4 months of being on the payroll at glendale

BoulderZ > Denver Is Stuck In The 90s
08/19/2014 at 23:56

Maybe he can bring it back! That's promising, and the fact that they transferred him speaks highly of his skills. Boulder's spoiling for a good shop again.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Jay Lauer
08/19/2014 at 23:57

I had no intention of cheating on my beloved Elise, but one day I was sitting in my office when a beautiful woman named Porsche Cayman.

EL_ULY > Jay Lauer
08/20/2014 at 00:01

This post needs more traction. It "brakes" my heart :]

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > BoulderZ
08/20/2014 at 00:02

Apparently the guy from corporate never says anything nice about anyone, but he came into the store last month and had nothing but good things to say about my brother. Why dont you email me: applefanatic10.7@gmail.com. Maybe you 2 could meet, also my parents and I are taking him up to boulder to move in on thursday morning maybe we could get together.

Jay Lauer > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/20/2014 at 00:04

It's not mine. It's a consignment deal with the owner. I sell it for him and take my pimp fee.

BoulderZ > Denver Is Stuck In The 90s
08/20/2014 at 00:04

Will email shortly.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > PatBateman
08/20/2014 at 00:05

What kind of car is Mickey Mouse's favorite? Mini.

I tried putting some genesis into my radio the other day but the damn Hyundai unit wasn't compatible with my car.

I ordered a Cobalt Blue car from my salesperson the other day. Imagine my shock when he showed up with a POS chevy.....

I was playing dungeons and dragons with some friends last night. I was insisting on playing as a ranger. When the game started, I drove off in my pickup truck and flipped everyone the bird. Why don't people think these thigns through?

Going through Ford's truck section can be a real Expedidtion. I recommend finding a local Ranger for a guide. Otherwise your Excursion might not be fruitful.

I once saw a private investigator step out of a dodge magnum. I have never been more disappointed to not see Tom Selleck's mustache.

The Queen of England once called out to her staff to "Please get the crown, Victoria and bring it here!". Hours passed before the Queen finally demanded to know where it was. Her aide responded "We're trying your majesty, but you know our hallways are much to narrow for American cars!"

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Jay Lauer
08/20/2014 at 00:06

Ah, okay. S2 or Turbo Cab?

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > BoulderZ
08/20/2014 at 00:06

Cool, my brother is is kinda hesistant about oppositelock and he doesnt want me to share his name, but I know you 2 would hit it off, If you could give me your name, I could run it by him

1337HPMustang > Jay Lauer
08/20/2014 at 00:13

I won't buy from that one British marque because they weigh an ass ton.

Testarossa? More like testaROASTa!

Im here all night folks

BoulderZ > Denver Is Stuck In The 90s
08/20/2014 at 00:16

Email sent. Yeah, corporate there can be... interesting. I made money for them, so I never had a problem. Glad you're brother's doing well with it! I highly value my experience at the shop and in that industry. If the pay were better, I might have stuck with it. The grad school and geoscience track worked out very nicely, though. Now I can just do bikes for fun.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > 1337HPMustang
08/20/2014 at 00:22

1337HPMustang > JGrabowMSt
08/20/2014 at 00:30

Because if it had 5 it would be a chicken wagon? Trololol

Amoore100 > Jay Lauer
08/20/2014 at 00:52

Kinja'd!!!

Saracen > Jay Lauer
08/20/2014 at 01:16

Confucius say: Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.

What does an electrician drive? A volts wagon.

Why aren't Russian cars popular? They keep Stalin.

What kind of car do pirates drive? A Yarrrris.

What do people say when the snail drives around in his Mercedes S-class?
"Hey, look at that S car go!"

pfftballer > Jay Lauer
08/20/2014 at 06:49

Nice garage.

JGrabowMSt > 1337HPMustang
08/20/2014 at 08:36

You've made my day with that!

1337HPMustang > Saracen
08/20/2014 at 10:37

Oh you're good. Russian cars keep Stalin until you Putin some gas! Amirite! Eh, eh?

And im pretty sure pirates can afford something better than a yaris, how about a Bentley Arrrrrnage?

Saracen > 1337HPMustang
08/20/2014 at 12:43

if they buy an Arrrnage, how will the afford an Oldsmobile Cutlass too?

1337HPMustang > Saracen
08/20/2014 at 13:57

Ok dude, everyone can afford a cutlass. Even people with literally no money can afford a 90s w body. Let's stick with jokes that are pirate puns and not actual cars.

Second, doesn't every pirate dream of the day when he can drive at the helm of his own Nissan Armada?